Breaking Up. What do I do now? (1 of 4)

I begin a 4 part series on breaking up today.  Let's face it, it is not a good thing when two people remain together when it just isn't going to work or be "right."  Sure there are many times that with some coaching or therapy, a second chance or a new foundation can be created.  We will explore in this 4 part series what to do when that isn't the case.

WHAT DO I DO NOW? 

This is a question asked often by each person when ending or separating from a relationship, regardless if it was a marriage or a committed relationship.  And it is a good question.  It is healthy to explore, what now.  It has been said that a break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it.  For some this is true.  Perhaps for others a chance at reconciliation is possible through the use of therapy.  

Moving on after a relationship break up is not easy for some. Psychologists say that going through a relationship breakup, is like going through the grieving process. Well if you compare the two, you can see a number of similarities. In both cases, you are losing someone you loved and psychologically, your mind is not willing to let them go. So you can get over a bad break up using similar principles like grieving.  Sometimes you don’t realize how much you care about someone until they don’t care about you.

It needs to be understood that breaking up is a part of life, and also part of relationships. It is okay if this happens!  (Sometimes it is the most healthy and authentic thing that each of you can do!)  Relationships end all the time. If you hadn’t broken up with someone before, you probably wouldn’t have experienced the intense feelings that you felt with the partner you are breaking up with now.

Think as well of the future; you won’t be able to share unique experiences and feelings with a future partner if you don’t get over and move on after the break up.  In order for someone else to “love” you or care for you, YOU yourself has to be in the position to love & care for yourself.  If you are not centered and able to love yourself, or care for yourself, do not expect or allow anyone to try to do that with you or for you!

Chaplain Royal Bush and Chaplain Beth Loofe are Interfaith Chaplains offering nondenominational and nonreligious care and services to all, without exception in Nebraska and Iowa. They conduct Weddings, Premarital Coaching, Couples Coaching,Funerals, End of Life Planning, and Pastoral Care. For more information please email info@inclusivelife.org OR phone 402-575-7006. Omaha Weddings, Omaha Counseling, Omaha Funerals.