This is part 2 of a series on grief. It is a topic that is vast, dynamic and
affects every single human being at some point(s) in their life: Grief. What is grief? Simply put, it is a reaction to a significant
loss. For most people, it is often an
unpleasant and painful emotion (journey.)
Part 1 talked about the causes of grief.
Part 2 Stages of Grief
A reminder is that everyone should remember that each person feels
and experiences grief in their own way, on their own time, and it is different
for every single person. Having said
that there are 5-7 “stages” of grief that most people will journey through
during their grieving process; not always in any order, not always the same
length of time for each person, it is different for each person.
1. SHOCK
& DENIAL
The person will may be numb to the news, and may react with
disbelief. Many will deny the reality of
the news to avoid the pain and finality.
Shock is natural reaction and provides emotional protection from being
overwhelmed all at once. This may last for a few days to a few weeks.
2. PAIN
& GUILT
The shock will wear off at some point. When it does, many begin to feel pain and
suffering. As the shock wears off, it is
replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain and sometimes guilt (coulda,
woulda, shoulda done something…) (this
is a time that sometimes drugs and alcohol are used to escape the pain.)
3. ANGER
As pain and guilt take a back seat often anger takes the front
seat, sometimes the driver’s seat! Often
times people will lash out at others, say thing and demonstrate
uncharacteristic behavior. This is a
time that bottled up emotions, feelings and anger are released (often without
thought of who and how and when they are being released.) This is a time that questions like; why me,
why that person, why this family, does not God not love us?, what did I do
wrong?, why didn’t I?...
4.
REFLECTION & LONELINESS
This is also part of the “journey” of grief; spending time
recalling times, life and experiences that were shared, and many times that
leads to feelings of loneliness and “how dare I behavior”. How dare I have fun, how dare I laugh, how
dare I get on with my life… The
encouraging words and interaction with others is often seen as annoying and not
helpful.
5. THE
CURVE
As with most roads, there is a beginning, travel time and an
end. During the travel time there is a
curve where you are closer to the end than you are the beginning. This might describe this phase of
grieving. Shock, pain, anger and
loneliness have all came and mostly went.
Routines are important as life becomes a little calmer and clearer. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your
"depression" begins to lift slightly.
As the person experiencing grief becomes more functional, their
mind starts working again. They will be
more organized and will be able to seek and form realistic solutions to
problems posed by life without the person who has passed or is gone. You will start to work on practical and
financial problems and reconstructing life on their own.
6. ENGAGING
During this last stage the person is learning to accept and deal
with the reality of life. Acceptance
does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil
experienced, they may feel that they have to “walk” slower or with more caution
in life. As long as they are putting one
foot in front of the other, they will be soon walking out the door and onto their
new life journey.
Eventually the person will look forward and planning events,
gatherings and “dates” with friends.
They will at some point be able to think about their loved one without
wrenching pain. They will once again
anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the
experience of living day to day.
We can be the change we seek in
this world. and in ourselves. One day. One journey.
One person. One step at a time.
Royal D. Bush serves as a Multifaith Chaplain
with Inclusive Life. He studied at
Andersonville Theological Seminary, and with the International Institute of
Faith Based Counseling. He holds a
Bachelor Degree in business administration. Chaplain Royal shares two important
messages: You are beautiful, you are loved and you are worthy, just the way you
are. And: Now is time in this world that
every human being is called to life up the weak, offer a hand UP to the
impoverished, cherish our elders and stand up for the oppressed.
Inclusive
Life. Non denominational. Non religious.
Weddings. Premarital Coaching. Pastoral Care. End of Life Planning. Couples
Coaching. Funeral Ceremonies. Hospital
Visits. We serve all without exception.
CONTACT
US:
www.inclusivelife.org (NEW WEB SITE)
402-575-7006
105 S. 49th Street Omaha, NE 68132
500 Willow Ave Council Bluffs, IA 51503
Omaha Weddings. Omaha Counseling.
Omaha Funerals, Nebraska Weddings
Council Bluffs Weddings, Council Bluffs Counseling,
Council Bluffs Funeral, Iowa Weddings
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