RELATIONSHIPS: Factors that lead to divorce

Top Ten Contributing Factors That Lead to Divorce…

1. Growing Apart
2. Unable to talk together
3. How spouse handles money
4. Spouse’s personal problems
5. Not enough attention
6. Infidelity
7. Spouse’s personal habits
8. Sexual problems
9. Taste/preference differences
10. Alcohol/Other drugs

*William Doherty, University of Minnesota, 2009-2010 via USA Today 9/29/11


Relationships are a high skilled endeavor. If yours if failing it is possible that one or both of you do not have the adequate skills. Perhaps it is time for some coaching to help one another take a fresh look at yourselves and how to be a better partner to each other.

In my experience in coaching couples I share what I believe are three important words that lay the foundation for any relationship: Commitment (not giving up at the first or second hurdle, doing what is right NOT what is easy!) Communication (it’s just not for 911 operators! Two monologues do not equal a dialogue. Understanding your upbringing AND your partners needs is paramount.) Compromise. (Probably taking lessons for our elected officials isn’t a good idea! It is about trying to meet in the middle, making space for each person to sacrifice AND allowing each person to share in victory.) The top 5 reasons for contributing factors to divorce could be avoided or reduced significantly if the couples would have had the skill set that includes a good use/practice of the 3-C’s.

According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri the divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Another source, The Enrichment Journal, sites that the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%, for second marriage is 60%, and for third marriage is 73%.

Perhaps viewing it in these terms my allow us to think differently about this topic. On an average, it seems that around 54.5% of marriages are working well the first time! The second time around, 36.5% of the couples are making it work. And the when there is a third marriage we know that about 26.5% of the couples are making a go of it.

There are self help books, too many to mention. There are many mental health therapist’s, some do great work. There are many support groups which help many people. I support coaching vs. counseling on this issue. Coaching does not spend too much time dwelling on the past and old wounds. It is about the here and now, the today and tomorrow. It is about taking two people in a relationship, giving them permission to be venerable and learn, and grow and…!



Chaplain Royal Bush is an Interfaith Chaplain serving all without exception in Nebraska and Iowa. He provides both nondenominational and nonreligious care & services. He conducts Weddings, Funeral, Blessings and premarital/couples coaching. For help or more information please email us at info@inclusivelife.org OR phone us at 402-575-7006.