Holiday Grief

Divorced.  Single.  Widower.  Separated.  All are times that the holiday season seems to intensify feelings and behaviors for some.  This is in addition to the current state of someone’s life if they have been affected by the economy. 


During the holiday season people are often caught in a dilemma between the need to grieve and the pressure to “deck the halls!”  Holidays or not, it is important for to take care of yourself.  Here are some times that may help you, or someone you know:

Consider where and how you will spend your time during the holidays. You control the amount of activities, events and parties you attend.  Define your holiday expectations to what you know you are comfortable with and can handle.  For some, this may be a year of closure, while some are amidst the grieving process.  Create your own traditions to help bring about new beginnings and change.


For those in a bereavement period, think of ideas and ways that you can honor your loved one in a meaningful, healthy and authentic way.  Lighting a candle (perhaps of their favorite color or scent) could be an option.  Playing a song or a style of music that you once shared can be familiar and comforting.


I have said before that some of the best medicines come in the form of tears.  If you need to cry, then cry.  If you need to talk, then talk.  If you need to walk, then walk.  Give yourself permission and “make room” in your routines to insure that you allow yourself to do what you need to do.


Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote ““There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.”  And, sometimes grief does need a voice or a word.  Consider typing or writing a letter that you will never send to your beloved.  You could keep it in a safe place, take it to a memorial site, let it go in the wind, and even burn it to the let the ashes rise symbolically. 

For some, decorating a grave, memorial marker or a special place in the home is comforting and part of a yearly routine.  This could include flowers, garlands, ribbons, bows, evergreen-branches, packages, pine cones or a miniature Christmas tree. Decorating the site can be helpful in remembering and celebrating your loved one's life during the holidays.

Remember the reality that the anticipation of the holidays without your family member is often harder than the actual holidays themselves.  While there is nothing wrong with spending the holidays by yourself.  There is something to be thankful for being in “community” with other people.  You know you.  You know what is best.  If you should get out, then do so.  If you need some time alone, then do so. 

If you feel that things are not manageable and you’re a bit out of touch please consider calling a local resource.  If you’re not sure, contact the Boystown National Hotline for help 800-448-3000.  And if you are not feeling safe, know that you should and can dial 911 to get immediate help.

We can be the change we seek in this world, and in ourselves.  One day.  One journey.  One person.  One holiday at a time.

Royal D. Bush serves as Interfaith Chaplain.  He has studied at Andersonville Theological Seminary, and the International Institute of Faith Based Counseling.  He also holds a Bachelor Degree in business administration. He is available for premarital coaching, couples coaching, life coaching, and pastoral care in the Nebraska and Iowa area.

Inclusive Life offers both nondenominational and nonreligious care-serving all, without exception!  Inclusive Life offers Wedding Ministers, Premarital Coaching, Couples Coaching, Funeral Ministers, End of Life Planning, and Pastoral Care. To reach Chaplain Royal or Chaplain Beth please email info@inclusivelife.org OR phone 402-575-7006. Omaha Weddings, Omaha Counseling, Omaha Funerals